Sunday, 28 October 2012

You're whining about the crockery, now?

We'll find a more appropriate plate for you next time.
Customers! If you are out for a nice dinner, and the following happens to you, and you are so subsequently distressed that you need to complain… you might want to practice that mindful breathing exercise your therapist taught you and have a good, hard think about how bad your problem really is. Is this really the worst thing that happened to you today (in which case I kind of hate you)? Did it destroy your entire dining experience (or are you just a miserable twit who actively searches for stupid things to gripe about because that is the only way to fill the empty insecure black void that is your heart)? Was it as bad as a roach pizza?

Here is a complaint that is not only useless, irrelevant, and foolish, it is also a First World Problem. And lordy knows how the Fool Critic feels about those*.

The size/shape of the actual plate your dinner is served on
As she was clearing the empty plates of a frumpy old couple, waitress A. was told, “Everything was great! Except the size of this plate was just a little too small for the steak. I couldn’t quite get the cutlery to sit on the plate when I wasn’t eating.”

Thinking this comment was a joke, as any ass with basic motor coordination could get a fork and knife to rest comfortably on a main sized plate, A. grinned and nodded conspiringly. “Yes, our generous beef portions do tend to dominate the plate!”

The customer stared back, unsmiling. “Well, you tell the chef that a customer says the plate is too small for this dish.”

On hearing this feedback, the chef responded by plating up two complimentary bite-sized petit fours for them, on a platter the size of a car tyre.

(That's his way of saying fuck off.)

*That is, Whine Lovers whinging about First World Problems are so stupid that if you multiplied their IQ by 50 the answer would be 2.

1 comment:

  1. 'a CUSTOMER says...' I'm just floored by the sense of importance some customers have. You ordered a steak, ffs. Don't carry on like you won a fucken Nobel Peace Prize.