|"Yeah, this'll show 'em."|
“They tried to put the coeliac in hospital with a beef wellington. Is the chef a complete idiot we asked as the waitress wanted to curl up and die.”No but perhaps you are the Fool Critic suggested if you order a dish renowned for being coated in pastry for your coeliac guest especially if he or she was dim-witted enough to eat it and end up in hospital in addition why does nobody appreciate punctuation she wondered as she wanted to curl up and die.
“do they want customers? attending in saturday night with 14 middle aged men, we were told that groups of 12 were not allowed! Given that there was no one there, we can olny presume that they do not want customers!”
“On a cold and windy night.... I grew up in Melbourne, and i do know about "Tone".....Anyway, recently i visited Melbourne from interstate with two grandsons aged 15 and 16 as a reward for cum laude exam results....Monday last we were out and about all day, museums, shopping, lane exploration, movies, and found ourselves caught in an unexpected storm (with winds up to 100 mph) as we were walking down Flinders Street around 9.15.pm..We ran to Fed. Square and couldn't find anything open.....i had been to Taxi for lunch before so we went in…”One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time…
“A friend of mine arranged for a birthday party for nearly 40 people and a week before it, she went to confirm and they told her she cannot have any birthday cake. She couldn't bring one and they would not cater for one. What sort of a birthday party is that. Aside from that how unprofessional of them not even to advise of such a criteria.” (Except they just did. - Ed.) “Just in case you didn't know people, birthday = birthday cake - HELLO. I am suggesting this venue really needs to take a good look at itself […] in the hospitality industry it is do or die. So I strongly suggest you OPEN YOUR EYES 'Blind for Satin'”
“Typical percolators!!! Can't communicate that the wait will be more like an hour - rather than the 25 mins originally said!!! Furthermore when you go and check how much longer the wait would be, don't look up through your original thick black rimmed "I'm an artist" glasses and say: "I wouldn't wait more than 10 mins for a table at a cafe!!!" I hope your Proud Mary I won't be coming back!!!”
Percolators!!! That word does not mean what you think it means!!!
“Its a little unconventional to write a review on a place that I have never visited, however I walk past this place almost every day and I hate it. The staff are all hipsters and so are the customers, everyone is talking loud with their panAmerican accents, all with atypical haircuts and specticles that are not prescription. The wait staff look pouty and irritating and everyone and everything is a little to trendy, very faux hipster. Great if you are a hipster.”
As always, ellipses in square brackets [...] indicate text removed. Everything else within a direct quote is unedited.