The Hospo Bucket List

So I'm working on a list of all the things I'd want to do during my last shift as a waitress. For a while all I could come up with was "commit assault", but after some soul-searching, I've thought of a few more satisfying ways with which one could kiss goodbye to the hospitality industry.

• Turn up shitfaced.
• Wear a giant banana costume. With apron.
• Carry this hamster around while taking orders.
• Respond to all complaints with, "Shit happens, you boner."
• Before service begins, use all the empty boxes from food deliveries to turn the restaurant into a fort.
• Develop a rather sudden case of Tourette's.
• Release a swarm of bees into the dining room.
• Suddenly scream, "You're on your own!" and jump through a glass window.
• Give forks - and ONLY forks - to customers who order soup.
• Greet each customer with a loud, "Whoa..." and spray them with deodorant.
• Call last drinks via a nudie run.
• Bring in a megaphone and announce, "Attention cockshits: fuck you all."
• Serve meals by tipping the contents of the plate directly onto the table and walking off. Same goes for drinks.
• Play death metal throughout service.
• Write "I'm going to eat your flesh" on all the restroom walls.
• Glue barbed wire underneath the tables as a little surprise for every shit that sticks their gum there.
• Offer to take customers' coats, then drop them in the deep fryer.
• Instead of keying in food orders, carefully draw a picture of the meal your customer has ordered and serve the picture to them on a plate.
• Keep asking customers to hold on while you take a call; use your hand as a phone. Have plenty of imaginary arguments with the caller.
• Spend the entire shift screaming the lyrics to Summer of '69.
• Put creepy dolls of assorted shapes and sizes on every chair in the restaurant except for one table. Turn that table over as normal.
• Set off a flare.
• Ring up rival bikie gangs and announce a showdown at your workplace. Make sure to emphasise that they would be little bitches if they did not show.
• Enlist in the help of a punk rock marching band:

• Blast a vuvuzela at customers that complain about any of the above.
• ...and commit assault.

What are some things you would do before leaving your hospitality job?